Movies are rife with new places and circumstances for having sex. We watch our favorite actors copulating in elevators, on airplanes, in semi-public, in space, in the jungle, in a limo, on the floor, the kitchen table - anywhere that it is possible. At times thrilling, it also often looks uncomfortable or impractical. In fact, most of the sex we enjoy through life, after the cars and hidden places of our youth, is in bed. Does using the same scenery mean that the play must be boring and derivative? Not necessarily. Without intending to hurt the feelings or egos of set designers, the focus of any production is on the characters and the action. Next to that, everything else pales. So how do we inject some creativity and novelty into our sex lives to avoid endless repetition and an eventual decline in the level of our excitement? We can manipulate our circumstances to break the routine of a few nights a week of sex before sleep. Change the timing of our intimacy and the routine dissolves. After the advent of a baby, for example, many husbands complain that their wives no longer concentrate on the action, one ear always cocked for a tell-tale cry. Time your moments together for when the baby sleeps longest, perhaps the early evening or Sunday morning. Take the baby to the babysitter's house or to the grandparents and use the free time to rekindle the sparks that have inevitably been dampened by the demanding stranger who has invaded your lives. If you have a fireplace, put on a log and start foreplay on a soft rug in front of the flames. You can move to the bedroom later, for the comfort, but the desire will be freshened by the fireside initiation. If you have older children or relatives living with you, often the only refuge available is your bedroom at night. See if you can send the kids to the movies and your mother-in-law to the local Church bingo and seize the opportunity to again act like a carefree young couple with only each other on your minds. Most importantly, practice concentration on the "now." We all have so many things on our minds that our thoughts flit endlessly to the problems at work, the financial stresses we are under, and the need to get chores done and things fixed. Men, for multiple physiological reasons, seem better able to concentrate on sex for the relatively brief time it takes for them to move from arousal to action to completion. Women usually take longer to arouse and longer to reach a climactic conclusion. It therefore requires more effort, for a longer period of time, for women to disengage from mental processing to bodily sensations and feelings. A sensitive mate acknowledges this and helps the process by allowing for longer lead time, starting the intimacy and arousal foreplay long before the act ever starts. Failure to do so too often results in denial ("I'm not in the mood; I have a headache") or limited engagement ("We need to paint this ceiling; I have to get up so early tomorrow"). If both parties can communicate what works for them, and help to mold the behavior of the other in order to enhance the experience of both, then the routine becomes an eagerly anticipated event that allows for mutual sharing, enjoyment, and fulfillment. |
