How to get rid of a guy - fast! (Mimi, have you lost your marbles? Why are you writing about how to get rid of a guy?) Because today's article is about what NOT to do if you want to keep the interest of a man who has not yet made a commitment to you. This is written especially for the women who have written me who are very upset that they have made an embarrassing mistake with a man, or that they want a certain man which they do not currently have. I see a lot of pain in the emails I receive lately. It makes me sad to see my readers hurting. So this particular message is for these women - who in my opinion do not appreciate how special THEY are. They are focused on how special a certain man is and that is all they are able to think about for the moment. Of course, men do not think the way women do. When a woman is in a relationship, she is focusing on him and on her emotions. Emotion is certainly present for a man, but in a different way. Men and women each have built-in triggers which the wrong words at the wrong time can set off. If you set off the wrong trigger in a man, you can be almost certain that he will be finding any excuse to head out the door to start looking for a woman who is not so easy to attain. In my opinion, the woman should never be the first one to say "I love you." You may be feeling this love for him; it may be true; and it may be true for him. But until HE says these words to you, he is not ready for it. (Also, be sure your BS meter is running and you aren't hearing those words in an attempt to woo you briefly and then drop you flat. Hey, it still happens ALL the time - and to younger and younger women and girls. That bothers me greatly.) When you are in the mood to say "I love you," you may be thinking that you are willing to lay your heart on the line for a man you have fallen for. That is a noble thought and I understand it well. And who will be feeling really bad shortly thereafter? You will, if you make the mistake of saying those three little words first. When a man truly loves you and is in love with you - the kind of man you want, that is - he wants to shout it from the housetops. He wants to show you off to everyone. If you are not seeing THAT kind of reaction - then distance yourself emotionally. I'm not telling you to be rude or unkind or to even stop seeing the guy. I'm telling you that you need to be your own best friend and protect yourself. What's more, you need to be in the frame of mind that whether this man likes you, loves you, or not - is not going to make or break your life! Yes, you might get your heart broken over someone. But you know what? You will move on. You will get over this man and find that there is more to life than any one particular man - no matter how special he is to you. Trust me that this is true. Instead of focusing on how special a man is, focus on how special and unique YOU are. Show off your best qualities by making yourself the best person you can be, inside and outside. Trust that when the time is right for you, a good relationship that is worth waiting for will happen in your life. Now, for you purists out there, and I know you're out there, yes. I know that there are men out there who will not bolt and run if you say "I love you" first. (Gotta love those guys, too.) However, those same men will bolt and run if you have been acting clingy and as if your entire emotional future depends on their acceptance of your undying love. Besides, if you say 'I love you' first, that is kind of like peeking at the Christmas presents. It spoils all their plans. They want to do the wooing and pursuing - don't ever forget that. If they are not actively wooing you, they are not interested in you. For some readers, all of this is well known information that they already follow in their lives. But many, many of my readers need to hear this. Being head over heels in love makes us vulnerable - and makes us do crazy things. One of the craziest times of all is right after a divorce - if that's your situation, hang on to your hat - be careful. For more advice and free emails on this subject, be sure to visit IrresistibleToMen.com. |
